Yellow Butterfly
by black-nailpolish-bby
Summary: A Songfic to the song 'Yellow Butterfly' by 'Meg and Dia'. Warning" Made me cry, may make you cry!


**Yellow Butterfly**

**Okay, so this is a songfic for a song I really like. I kind of thought of it randomly.  
****WARNING: This song is sad, it made me cry!  
**'**Yellow Butterfly' by 'Meg and Dia'  
****Check out Meg and Dia's other songs. They are certainly not as sad, this is like a one off thing for them. Their songs are actually really great.**

* * *

_**She was just 5 years old.  
A slightly moody day.  
She couldn't stay away from the river's edge and I.  
I turned my back to count.  
All the daffodil seeds that surrounded.  
I closed my eyes and then heard the water wake up.**_

Isabella is my little girl. Today is her fifth birthday, and I promised to bring her down to the river, she just loves it so much, it's her favourite place.

She ran to the edge of the river, laughing as she did.

I turned around, the field was covered in daffodils, they are so beautiful, Isabella loved them aswell, just another reason to come down to the river.

"Thanks for bringing me Mummy!" she hugged me tightly  
"Happy Birthday baby," I hugged her back  
"This is the best Birthday ever!" with that she ran back down the edge of the river.

I turned back around to look at the daffodils again. I walked closer to the flowers, closed my eyes, and breathed in the fresh air.

Suddenly, I heard a big splash in the water, and a small scream, I snapped my head around…

_**And I.  
I can still hear that scream.  
It's still lingering in the air, everywhere, mother please, save me.  
Grab my hand, I can't, I can't.  
I can still see that face, sink beneath the waves.  
Baby, please breathe for me give me time I am here.  
Where did you go?  
Where'd you go?  
Where'd you go?  
Where'd you go?**_

"MUMMY, PLEASE HELP ME!" she screamed at me. I started running over to the river, "MUMMY GRAB MY HAND, HELP ME!"  
"I can't!" I said to myself, I still wasn't close enough to the river to be able to pull her out

I saw her face sink under the water. She was down, and I still wasn't close to the river. I had to save her, I just had to.

When I finally reached the river, I could see her at the bottom. I pulled her up and dragged her beside me.

"Please, baby, please breath, I'm here!" I cried at she lay there, motionless. "Where's you go?" I whispered

_**Were the angels that lonely?  
Couldn't they suffice for anybody else?  
Can't everybody just lie to me?  
She's home, she's home, crying for me now.  
Every night on a Monday.  
I will visit the same spot that I hate.  
Yes, the place that baby loved.  
Now she can taste it. It took her away.**_

"I'm sorry," my mother said to me  
"It'll be okay," my sister tried comforting me.

Couldn't they tell that this wasn't helping at all, it just made it worse, it made me realise she really was gone. Can't they just tell me that she's at home waiting for me like they normally do?

"Why did you take her away, where your angels lonely?" I was sitting in the empty church, everybody else had already left

I go to that place at the River every Monday night, the exact same time it happened. I feel pain every time I go there, and that's the place I cry, I don't cry in public, only in out place. Baby loved that River, yet it betrayed her and took her away.

_**It's been 5 years since then.  
And when it hits September.  
I feel like I'm dying again.  
Ian still won't even talk to me.  
Talk to me. Isn't this pain guilt enough?  
I can't even look out the window.  
Without seeing figures distorted in the sun.**_

Today is the Seventh of September, that day Isabella would be turning ten. Suddenly, it sinks in, it's been five years, and I feel like I've been hit, the pain is worse then any other day.

"Ian," I cried to be husband (soon to be ex-husband) "Ian, talk to me, please," I screamed  
He turned around and looked at me, but didn't say anything.  
"Isn't knowing that this is all my fault pain enough Ian?" I sobbed, "Isn't the guilt bad enough, or do you like torturing me?"  
He frowned then walked out the front door. He loved making this so much worse for me.

I looked out the window, I haven't done this in ages. Know I remember why, I can see Isabella out there playing in the dirt, having fun in her little five-year-old life. Why can I see her? Then, she fades away and our front yard is empty.

_**And I.  
I can still hear that scream.  
It's still lingering in the air, everywhere, mother please, save me.  
Grab my hand, I can't, I can't.  
I can still see that face, sink beneath the waves.  
Baby, please breathe for me give me time I am here.  
Where did you go?  
Where'd you go?  
Where'd you go?  
Where'd you go?  
Were the angels that lonely?  
Couldn't they suffice for anybody else?  
Can't everybody just lie to me?  
She's home, she's home, crying for me now.  
Every night on a Monday.  
I will visit the same spot that I hate.  
Yes, the place that baby loved.  
Now she can taste it. It took her away. **_

Every time I go down to the River, I can hear her screams like it's happening all over again. When I look into the water, it's like I can see her pale face underneath the waves.

This pain is going to kill me.

I still go to the River no matter what, I still need to cry, to yell, to scream, to ask God why he did this to me, couldn't he take my life instead?

_**And when the Pain hits me like gunshot  
oh, and I'm heading on the way to the floor.  
I hear her name and it kills me.  
Bottles up, bottles up, bottles up.**_

I was in my kitchen one morning, cooking breakfast, when suddenly I fell to the floor. The pain hit me like a gunshot, she's not coming back no matter what I do.

'Isabella' the voice in my head repeats over and over again. It kills me every time I hear her name, but I still won't cry, I'm bottling it all up.

_**And I'm trying my best to hurt me.  
Ian says it's never enough.  
A razor to the wrist for each unshed tear.  
Cough it up.  
Drink it up.  
Drink it up.**_

I have a razor to my wrist. I already hurt myself in other ways, drinking, drugs, anything I can to make the pain go away, I am killing myself.

Ian still doesn't think it's enough, he thinks that no matter how much pain I am going through I am still alive, still here breathing and Isabella isn't, she is in heaven.

I still won't cry, I should have cried so much, after all she was mu Daughter. I cut myself once for every tear I haven't cried for her. It still isn't enough for Ian, he watches me hut myself, telling me to do it more, then he walks away saying that Isabella went through much worse.

_**Were the angels that lonely?  
Couldn't they suffice for anybody else?  
Can't everybody just lie to me?  
She's home, she's home, crying for me now.  
Every night on a Monday.  
I will visit the same spot that I hate.  
Yes, the place that baby loved.  
Now she can taste it. It took her away.  
Oh, it took her away, took her away.**_

"Why did you take her?" I sat in the empty church once again, "What did a poor little five year old do to deserve this?"

My sister and Mother still try and make me feel better. It still isn't helping. I need them to lie to me, make me feel like, just maybe this was all a nightmare, not reality.

_**So I had a coma.  
When I crashed my car in the lake.  
And I saw your face baby, I knew it was no mistake.**_

I had enough. I had enough of hurting myself, enough of Ian hurting me or ignoring me. I needed to be with her, I needed to see her face.

I jumped into my car and drove as fast as I could down a few roads. I saw the field, it was still covered in daffodils. I swerved and gripped onto the steering wheel tighter. I drove my car straight into the river, the one that took baby away.

I fell into a coma. But I knew it was right. When my car went into that river, I could see Isabella's face, smiling, just like old times, and I loved it.

_**So I went to the doctor.  
And I told him oh my heart would break.  
If I couldn't see you.  
He just gave me more pills.  
But I saw you up there.  
Still floating by the river.  
God you always loved that river.  
I bet your heaven looks just like it.**_

"Doctor Hamilton please listen," I begged  
"No Mary, you just came out of a Coma, you're not thinking straight,"  
"I am, I need her Dr. I need to see her face,"  
"Here," he handed me some pills.

He thinks I'm crazy, they all do, they also think me car crashing into the river was just an accident. But none of them believe that I saw her when I was under the water, they think I'm insane.

The River is so beautiful, with the flowers, the crystal clear water. I bet Isabella's heaven looks exactly like this.

_**Then I'll like it too, even though it scares me now when I'm alone, but when I'm with you,  
I'll be just fine, I'll be just fine  
We can sit.,  
we talk about,  
talk about.  
Butterflies,  
Butterflies,  
Butterflies,  
Butterflies.**_

So now I go down to the River everyday. It still hurt but Isabella loved it, so I will too. When I'm here I get scared, after all my baby did drown in that water.

But when I sit by the River, I feel okay. I talk to her, and she talks back, we talk for hours.

We talk about what we used to, Butterflies. Isabella loved the butterflies in the Flower's; they were her second favourite thing about this place.

I've died. I'm in heaven with my baby, and it's just as I thought it would be.


End file.
